What if we could just meet another without expectation?
What if we could see each other for simply who we are?
What if we could just simply be ourselves?
The expectations we carry are often unconscious, unseen, unheard needs and desires and wants that we project onto another, with again another expectation that they will know what it is we aren’t ourselves giving consciousness to. Instead, we feel we don’t matter, we are wrong, we are unworthy, we are something other than loved unconditionally.
What if we could move from a place of understanding that we are all moving from unconscious needs, wants, and desires for love?
What if we could allow for a moment, an invitation to pause?
What would need to be felt, or heard, or seen?
Would it be the part of you that is longing for connection, longing for love; the connection and love that you did not feel as a child. And as a result, you created an adaptation; you found a way to stop expecting that love and connection. You began to orient toward the world through a lens that believed you were unlovable. And in doing so, you no longer had to feel the pain of the unmet expectation to be loved and in connection.
What if this is what is asking to be felt, heard or seen? The heartbreak of our young self that was looking to their parents and close loved ones for that deep connection and unconditional love? The part of us that was pure and innocent and could not bring the awareness to the truth that those adults were unhealthy and unknowingly wounded adaptations of themselves. And instead, we assumed the fault and we developed an adaptation to keep our broken hearts assuaged. We adopted unlovability, unworthiness, not okayness, wrongness, in order to not feel the truth of the broken connection.
The following is a poem I wrote on my own healing journey that met my adaptation and lens of not mattering.
Please forgive, and I do not blame you
I do not blame you for not knowing my love language,
I did not teach you.
And I am sorry I did not learn yours while I was waiting.
I do not blame you for not knowing how to hold me,
I did not teach you.
And I am sorry I did not learn how to hold you while I was waiting.
I do not blame you for not knowing how to listen to me,
I did not teach you.
And I am sorry I did not learn how to listen to you while I was waiting.
Or…and I in turn forgot to listen.
I do not blame you for not knowing how to meet my wounds,
I did not teach you.
And I am sorry I did not meet yours while I was waiting.
I do not blame you for not hearing me,
I did not teach you.
And I am sorry I did not hear you.
For through our individual trauma,
Neither one of us was taught to learn.
I do not blame you.
But I somehow continue to blame myself.
That I did not learn.
In this way they don’t even want or need to be healed, but to be held. And to feel safe.
If there is a shared resonance or a felt sense of yes as you read through this post, and you feel or sense a readiness to meet these places, I would be honoured to walk beside you with Intuitive Inquiry as you begin the journey toward remembering that YOU are worthy; that YOU matter; that YOU are lovable; that YOU are perfect just as you are.
Wherever you are, I'll meet you there...